apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My penis needs a shock collar
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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