Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
