Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
