If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
