some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
