it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
