i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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