found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
