I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
