i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
