He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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