Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
