I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
