my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
