i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
did i walk over a car last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am available for nakedness
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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