So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
