she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will pee on everything he values.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
