Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
