Please, let me fuck your mom
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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