I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize