I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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