Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
