at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
