dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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