This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
