He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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