life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
