Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
