i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
