if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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