Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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