before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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