We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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