im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
