Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
