Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
