I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
