First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
