We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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