Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
