she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize