well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
