Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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