Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
