I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
