i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
