It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
