shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
