ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
