I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize