my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize