Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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