I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
