A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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