Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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