You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
