...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
