haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize