I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
