The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize