You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
