I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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