me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
