By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
