And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
