I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
