I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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