There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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