Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize