I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
