Moan for me like Helen Keller
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
