You're my little dorito
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
