You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
