My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if only i could text you this smell
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
