I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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