fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize