i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
