Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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