I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize