Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
